Holiday Grief: Finding Comfort When the Heart Feels Incomplete

The holiday season has always been bittersweet for me. Twenty years ago, I lost my mom, and though time has softened the edges of that grief, it has never erased it. Christmas was our season — a time filled with her warmth, laughter, and love. She made the holidays magical, not through extravagant gifts but through her presence, her care, and the joy she found in the simple things. This year feels harder, though I can’t quite explain why. Maybe it’s because my tiny humans — my children — are growing up without ever knowing her. I see pieces of her in them and wonder how she would have loved them, guided them, and wrapped them in her unconditional embrace.

I find myself longing for her advice, her calming words, and one of those hugs only a mother can give. There’s something about the holidays that makes me feel her absence more acutely, like a missing puzzle piece in my heart. As I try to create beautiful holiday memories for my family, I sometimes feel like I’m chasing a feeling I’ll never quite capture. Staying grounded feels challenging when part of me is still searching for her, wishing she could see how far I’ve come, how much I’ve grown, and how hard I try to keep her legacy alive.

But even in the midst of this ache, I’m learning to find comfort in what she left behind — her values, her love, and her spirit, which I see reflected in my children. I hold on to the lessons she taught me, even though I can’t hear her voice. I’m reminded that love never truly leaves us. It lives on in the traditions we create, the stories we share, and the way we show up for those we care about, even when our hearts feel incomplete.

So this season, I’m giving myself permission to grieve, to feel the sadness without guilt, and to honor her memory in my own way. I’ll tell my kids stories about their grandmother — the woman whose love still shapes our lives. And when the weight of missing her feels too heavy, I’ll remind myself that it’s okay to lean into those feelings. Because sometimes staying grounded means letting yourself feel, letting yourself remember, and trusting that love — even when it feels distant — is still very much present.